Date Chat: Wall
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“And what kind of confusing behavior would accompany a move to the relationship ladder?”
This differs depending on whether there is an extant sexual relationship (hooking up/FWB) or not. If so, the man will start doing more “beta” stuff: dinners, cuddling, smooching on the nose, massages, movies, going to family events, spending non-sexual time with you, staying up late to help you study, etc. (On that note, a lot of FWBs Susan gets comments about are really LTRs in all but name.)
If there is no sexual relationship, you’ll probably see classic awkward beta pedestalization moves: his confident personality will evaporate, he’ll subtly cling to your attention and approval, he may invite you to a formalized “date.” Sad isn’t it. If you get even a whiff of this, and you are interested in dating him, call like in poker and lay the cards out or you’ll be subjected to a betariffic meltdown that will dry out your tingle like that don’t-eat packet in the beef jerky bags.
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The State You Need To Be In, Always
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Friends vs Girlfriends
Bursting The Fantasy Bubble -
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Is a matter of keeping one’s word in spite of the desire and not hurting a man or woman you claim to “love”, YMMV.
Badger
June 4, 2011 at 2:02 am
Thag Jones,“I think the hypergamy thing is a bit over stated though. Speaking from my experience, if I really love someone, I am not looking to “trade up”, whatever that might mean (more money, more tingles). It can really get to a point where pretty well everyone else is “greyed out” as far as any real possibility goes. I can still see “that guy is good looking”, but my interest in him as a potential partner is just not really there if I’m already happy with what I’ve got, warts and all. Are most women not really like that? Most I’ve known seem to be.”
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SayWhaat
June 3, 2011 at 4:19 pm
“…men do not lack the ability to bond through sex. It’s just that the system is only deployed under certain conditions.”Much like the female orgasm, then? :P
SayWhaat
June 3, 2011 at 4:22 pm
“He might still pursue you – but you don’t know that he’s changed the rules of engagement and he’s now just looking to get in your pants, cash in some of his sunk cost and be done with it. On the other hand, a man moving you onto the relationship ladder might produce some strange and confusing behavior (especially if he develops oneitis with all of its attendant missteps).” -
SayWhaat
June 3, 2011 at 4:19 pm
“…men do not lack the ability to bond through sex. It’s just that the system is only deployed under certain conditions.”Much like the female orgasm, then? :P
SayWhaat
June 3, 2011 at 4:22 pm
“He might still pursue you – but you don’t know that he’s changed the rules of engagement and he’s now just looking to get in your pants, cash in some of his sunk cost and be done with it. On the other hand, a man moving you onto the relationship ladder might produce some strange and confusing behavior (especially if he develops oneitis with all of its attendant missteps).” -
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It’s hard to understand why a lot of women make things so difficult. I saw it with my parents (damn my mom could be a PITA), I hear it from my brother, my bf is thankful that I’m pretty easy going compared to most women… It’s not hard to keep a man happy. A woman on the other hand…. I wonder why you guys bother with us sometimes!
Anyway, interesting post!
Brendan
June 3, 2011 at 11:46 am
It can really get to a point where pretty well everyone else is “greyed out” as far as any real possibility goes. I can still see “that guy is good looking”, but my interest in him as a potential partner is just not really there if I’m already happy with what I’ve got, warts and all. Are most women not really like that? Most I’ve known seem to be.
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